Networking

Have you ever been invited to an event with a small (or large) gathering of people that you don't know and walked into the room with a lump in your throat and a thud in your chest? Worse still, have you declined the invitation altogether? Well, you are certainly not alone.

Whilst there are a small group of individuals at each gathering, that move effortlessly around the room, talking and laughing with everybody like a social butterfly, the art of networking is a skill that must first be learned.

While practice makes the next time easier, the following ten tips will help you on the road to successful networking:

1. Be yourself: a lot of people become intimidated and nervous in a crowd and they think they should act a certain way, or be able to hold long conversations with strangers, when this is not actually true. If you look at human nature, some people just like to talk and someone has got to listen, so why not take the listening position? There is a lot you can learn from listening. So as long as you show your interest in a conversation, people will include you;

2. Speak up: as you listen to others, you may hear an opportunity for you to contribute to the conversation, or you may have a question. Before you speak, breathe in a deep, quiet breath and then speak up and out. Be clear and easy to understand, so that you do not feel as if you are stumbling and people can easily respond;

3. Look for targets: look for single bodies. Often at events and functions people attend with a friend, or a group. However, there are also a number of people who attend alone. Often these people will feel as awkward as you do and may appreciate it when you strike up a conversation with them. Even those people who are waiting for someone else to arrive, may appreciate the company until they do. You do not necessarily have to get to know the person in depth, often small talk will be just the right conversation, but it means that you and they have met someone new today, maybe learnt something you did not know, practiced your skills and made some one feel good. Now all of that has to be a positive outcome!

4. Ask people questions: there is nothing more boring than listening to someone rabbit on about themselves, with little disregard for anyone else. However, when you ask a 'peoples question', not only do you become the person who is not rabbiting on, but the other person's response is more directed and often quiet interesting.

When you show a genuine interested in someone, it tends to put you both at ease and make the other person feel comfortable around you. They will inturn, ask you a question and as long as you answer the question and not go on a tangent and rabbit on, the conversation can be quiet rewarding;

5. Have pre-planned focus questions: prepare and practice some questions that will open a conversation and will direct the conversation back towards your area of expertise. For example "how is your business/company coping with the current economic market?", or "what is the biggest challenge you are currently dealing with in your company?". Whilst not everyone is going to provide you with an answer relevant to your interest, you may pick up some interesting tips and it is more likely that the person will then ask you a question;

6. Direct conversation: many times we get caught up talking to someone who is talking about their holiday three years ago, or their Auntie's next door neighbour, or a long version of the jammed photocopier at work. While many stories are interesting, there are many times when you begin to feel bored, or annoyed, or can become totally disinterested. While the experience for both of you can be unpleasant (for you boredom and frustration, for them rejection when they realise you are listening), such instances can be avoided with some handy redirection skills.

Being able to direct the focus of the conversation off the person talking and create a group discussion, or an opportunity for yourself, or someone else to speak, can retain the interest in the conversation. Ask a focus question when there is a natural pause, or step in when there is a pause, with a general question, or comment. As long as you do not cut off the other person, or appear abrupt, or rude, you will find the discussions will change course naturally;

7. Business cards: business cards are a vital communication tool and an essential tool for successful networking. They provide the recipient of the card with an open invitation to contact you for your services, they remind you of who you were speaking to (ever missed a person's name, got it wrong, or just forgotten it?) and they are great lead ins to a conversation.

A good way to exchange cards is to ask "do you have a business card?", which often opens the opportunity for you to pass on your own. Remember to always keep a few handy in your purse, your bag, your jacket, or in your car. A business card can also provide you with some conversation starting material, such as "that's an interesting business card. Did you design it yourself?", or "so you are a Public Relations Manager. That sounds like an interesting role, what does it entail?";

8. Do some homework: have you ever been stuck for words at an event? Couldn't quiet find the right introductory line into a group conversation? Or maybe even asked a silly question, or made a stupid statement? I would suggest that you probably did not do any pre-event homework.

If it's a business event, research the reason for the event, the topic, or the type of people who may be attending. If it is a social gathering, again research what the event is for, who the host is and have a plan. Having some background information will not only provide you with some conversation starters, but it will also put you more at ease;

9. Set a plan: before you attend a networking event, develop a plan, your own secret mission if you will. For example, the first simple part of the plan is to relax and enjoy yourself. The second may be to talk to three new people and listen to three new people. You will find that a plan compels you into action, it keeps you focused and it can be fun. With a plan in mind, even if the topic is not interesting, or the speaker not convincing, you will have still gained from the experience;

10. Practice: practice speaking up and clearly. Practice focuses questions. Practice talking to strangers (at events and functions, as opposed to in the street). Practice not only makes the behaviour feel and become more natural, but it also helps you to become familiar and comfortable with your questions, more natural at starting a conversation and more confident in the behaviour;

Networking is a powerful business and life tool and when used in an appropriate and consistent manner, can really bring you more than you may realise in both your business and personal life;

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