Body Language

Body language is the art of reading a person's behaviour and has been studied in depth for many years. It forms an important part of communication and can constitute up to 50%, or more of what we are communication. Experts in the field of communication often quote the 55/38/7 rule, which refers to research that has shown that 55% of our communication comes from body language, 38% is based on the tone of our voice and only 7% from the words that we actually speak.

Although body language can be quiet a complex subject, it does not necessarily have to be and yet it can tell so many things about a person, without uttering a word. It is often unconsciously that people perform certain patterns involving gestures, postures and physiologic signs that act as cues to other people. However, be mindful that as you are reading other people, you too are probably being ready by others.

Recognising the following patterns may not only reveal something about another person, but they may also reveal some areas of concern for you:

Posture: body posture is the way one carries themself. When one stands tall, they portray an air of self confidence, so exactly what is good posture?

Good posture is where the body is aligned against its own centre of gravity. The shoulders and back are straight and the head is held high. Whilst there are many probable causes of poor posture, including lack of confidence, there is a visual difference between slouching, drooping shoulders, head towards the ground and medically caused poor posture.

Become aware of your own posture and create a habit of self correction ie: sitting up straight, pushing your shoulders back, hold your head high etc;

Eye contact: whilst the eyes may be the windows to our sole, they also act as our emotion indicators. Eyes can reflect happiness, sadness, trust, discomfort, self confidence etc. They are generally the first thing that people notice and remember about a face, they make a big impression and they can tell a lot about a person.

A confident and interested person will maintain eye contact with the person they are speaking with. If there are two, or more people involved in the discussions, the eyes should move from one speaker to another, as the speaker changes. From time to time, it is a good idea to take a quick "eye break" by moving your eyes away momentarily and then returning them to the engaged position. This will alleviate the feeling of staring and maintain concentration in the conversation.

Poor eye contact can reflect disinterest in the speaker, or the subject. It can also be a sign of nervousness, or lack of confidence. Staring is a penetrating gaze, as opposed to a prolonged glance and is usually an aggressive, or threatening action. With it also comes a feeling of discomfort for the recipient;

Handshake: ever experienced the wet fish, or just as bad, the bone cruncher handshake? Both types of handshake tell a lot about the deliverer. A handshake is a sign of good will and dates back to around 2,900 BC when weapons were carried in the right hand.

At times of nervousness, or excitement, handshakes can go very wrong. However, with lots of practice, you should be able to maintain consistency.

In business, it is appropriate to shake both men and women's hands. However, your grip should be adjusted relevant to who you are shaking hands with.

Handshakes to avoid include the bone cruncher, whereby the grip is too tight and uncomfortable, the wet fish, whereby the handshake is limp and lifeless and the sanitizer which involves minimal contact, a quick withdrawal and even a wipe of the hand after the event. All of these types of handshakes reflect aggression, lack of interest, lack of confidence and the reluctance to build connections.

A good handshake includes eye contact, a warm smile, both people standing, the extension of the right hand until the palms meet and approximately 3 to 4 seconds of shaking, before releasing;

Use of the arms: whilst folding your arms may just mean that you are cold, it is the messages that other parts of the body are sub-consciously sending, that confirms the true message.

For example, in the event you are folding your arms due to cold, the fold is generally accompanied by a rubbing of the arms, fidgeting, or moving on the spot.

When deep in thought, a person may fold their arms, but at the same time, purse their lips, raise, or squint their eyebrows, nod their head and even make a hhmmm type of noise.

However, when the person is folding their arms, leaning away from the speaker and expressing a harsh, or blank stare, this reflects an unconscious barrier between the person and the speaker. It also reflects hostility and opposition.

A good confident stance is either to stand with your hands behind your back, or if seated, placing your hands loosely clasped on your lap;

Hands: whilst the hands are connected to the arm and so you would think, relate the same messages, the hands infact talk their own messages.

Fidgeting hands, such as playing with a pen in a meeting, or continually adjusting a watch, or checking a mobile phone, reflect boredom and disinterest.

Biting fingernails, or the continual scratching, or picking of fingers displays a level of nervousness and/or insecurity. Similar when those hands are playing with, or continually adjusting hair.

Hands on hips reveal frustration, anger and impatience. Hands on knees indicate readiness and cradled on your knee indicates comfort and confidence within the current situation.

To lock your hands in a relaxed state, behind your back suggests self control. However, to clasp your hands behind your back and add a pout, or screwed up mouth, displays anger, frustration and apprehension.

Walking with your hands in your pockets and shoulders hunched reflects both dejection and laziness, depending on the circumstances;

Head gestures: The head often moves whilst in discussions, or listening to a speaker, even when we are unaware of the movement.

A person will tend to nod to punctuate key points in discussions to indicate agreement, or interest. A person may also tilt their head to one side when using listening techniques.

When deep listening, people tend to nod their head in agreeance. However, the continual unconscious bobbing of the head usually indicates that the person has tuned out and is not listening. Worse still, the leaning back of the head and/or yawning indicates that the person is not even in the same zone as the speaker;

Facial expressions: one of the biggest participants in body language is the face and quiet often, you will not even realise you are talking so loudly without the use of words. My partner often tells me that my facial expressions give away my true feelings, even when I am trying hard not to.

A person who is listening and who is interested will maintain eye contact, raise their eyebrows from time to time, move their mouth at certain intervals and nod their head.

When a person disagrees, they tend to frown and flick their head in a downward motion. A person who does not trust the speaker, disagrees with them, or dislikes what they are hearing, is likely to squint their eyes.

Someone who is being told will generally pout their mouth and quiet often, add a slight squint. A shocked, or disbelief look will include the raising of the eyebrows, often raising them almost as high as the hairline and widening of the eyes.

Most people can tell the difference between a genuine smile, or laugh and a fake and strained one. And a blank stare, or wandering eyes reflect disinterest.

Next time you are talking with someone, tune in to what your own face is doing and you may be surprised how little control you have previously had over its emotions;

Signals of deceit: a person who is not comfortable with the information they are parting with, or who may be being deceitful, or who is not displaying trustworthy behaviour will tend to touch their face during the conversation, including scratching their chin, fiddling with their ears and playing with their nose. They may also blink a lot and will not be able to maintain eye contact.

Personal space: is the area directly around you in which you feel comfortable, which is generally an arms length. When someone steps into your personal space, you may begin to feel differing levels of comfort, depending on the person doing the space invading. It is important to consider a person's personal space when engaged in discussions.

However, when a person is interest in the speaker, or topic, the person may tend to lean closer. As long as this does not invade the personal space, it can be seen as positive body language;

If you are not conscious of what your body is saying, you may have unintentionally sent all of the wrong messages. This could be crucial if you are trying to sell your product, services, are in a job interview, or even simply working in a team environment. A few simple tips, some conscious thought and those body language messages will be better communicated.

It is important to note that some people, such as those with certain disabilities, different cultures, or from different countries, may use and understand body langue differently, which inturn, can lead to misinterpretations and misunderstanding. In these circumstances, common sense should prevail, politeness can never go astray and open verbal communication is important;

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